"You took the weight of the world on Your shoulders You took the weight of the world on Your shoulders You did it all for me Yes You did it all for me
Take me as I am Into Your nail-scarred hands When I run so far away You always call me back again Into Your open arms No matter what I've done Amazing grace has found me here Because of what You've done" - Weight of The World, Planetshakers
The song still brings me to tears. How deep and wide His love for me. How much He has done for me, the lengths He has gone for me, still makes me cry and throw myself into His arms. How can I ever thank You for the unfailing love that You've shown me. For everything that You have done for me. How can I ever thank You enough?
I see You taking away all the burdens and all the worries that's upon my shoulders and casting them away. I could read Your lips saying that You love me. How many times have I broken Your heart? How many times have I walked away? But yet Your love washes me clean. Yet You never walk away, but You stand there with open arms wanting to hold me again. Telling me that it's all gonna be alright.
I love You, Dad.
An excerpt from my journal: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There is so much love in that name of Jesus. Lord, it's those times when I just wanna spend with You, hang out with You alone, it's those times where I will never want to forget. The times when You would stretch out Your hands and touch me. The times when You are standing before me and wrapping Your loving arms around me. Oh, that warm embrace. I just want to fall in love with You all over again, Lord. Over and over again!"
It was a snippet of the letter that I wrote to God when I was still in Ps Ben's urbanlife at the end of last year. It's amazing that after exactly a year, I would still say the same thing to God. I would still utter those words to Him, telling Him to overwhelm me with His love and to fall in love with Him again and again.
There is something about the name of Jesus. The beautiful name of Jesus.
"How many times have I broken Your heart Still You forgive if only I ask And how many times have You heard me pray Draw near to me
Everything I need is You My beginning my forever Everything I need is You It is You" - All For Love, Hillsong
The pain of the last lap is real. There's a point where you cannot depend on anyone anymore including yourself, but God. It's the final minute to the curtain call where the audience either stands up for an ovation or boo in utter disapproval. Which one is it?
The last lap represents you for the year. People don't quite remember the victories and ups of the rest of the year, as much as the way the year ends. It's interesting, that your whole life is summed up by the last minutes of the race. And I thought the 'achievements' of the year were summed up accordingly. One plus one doesn't quite equate two at times like this.
Two thousand and five. The big fat blot of ink on my page? To others seem like there isn't any words written on it. To me, there is. Lots! There are heaps on words written on it, most of them smeared or covered with ink. One thing with ink on paper, you can't rub them off. It just becomes worse. You either leave it there or tear it away, and start a new page. The ink on this page is mine. It's me.
Have I been willing? Have I been obedient? Have I hung out with Jesus? Have I waited on the Lord?
Valid questions all these. Vulnerability required when you're thrown question like that at you. You can fake, pretend, manipulate words and expressions to conjure a reality of yourself, the way you want people to perceive you. But only you, and you know the answers. Sometimes, it's better to stay clear of those questions. Especially the ones that reveal your inadequacies, insecurities, and weaknesses. However, I suppose the kingdom of God doesn't quite work like that. There are battles that are fought in the secret place. Nobody sees them and nobody rewards you, except for the Father. Most of these battles leave you with scars, some still bleeding, some left a mark to remind you of the times you were there and how you survived and overcame. What exactly do you do with the ones that are still bleeding? You can't just throw over a jumper and cover it. You may hide it for 5 minutes but the blood will still seep through. People will still see through you.
I love the verse that says even though my sins are as red as crimson, He will wash them as white as snow. I love my Jesus! He never keeps an account of wrongs. He deals with them, does a surgery within and throws them in the sea of forgetfulness. How wonderful is our Saviour! God, wash me and clean me once again. Let Your wave of Grace, Love and Forgiveness wash me over and over again. Only You, my God and my Lord. Only You.
Let Your Spirit be the wind beneath my wings that take me through the last lap.
Random: Came across this article in a free street magazine, called Stu. In this issue, they had a 5-page article on select cults in the world today. Man! Did they have some really bizzare ones! One of which was this one, it's an excerpt from the article "C is for Cults":
CHURCH OF THE SUB GENIUS They worship Bob (a pipe-smoking handyman considered to be the best drill-bit salesman of all time), and the Church offers "eternal salvation or triple your money back." By sending $30, anyone can become an ordained SubGenius minister; and should a minister die and find themselves standing at the gates of Hell, the Church claims that person will personally be greeted by Bob himself. Bob will then hand over a cheque for $90, along with a handbook entitled "How To Enjoy Hell On Five Cents a Day", which costs $89.95. - stu magazine [#35]
Don't know about you, but that's majorly weird stuff! Thankfully, we have the Word that says: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9). It's definately only by grace. I know my God has called me to be a champion, a conqueror, not some weird sub-nothing. umm, yeah, just being random :) hahaha...
There is nothing, there is no one like my Jesus The One who understands my ins and outs The One who wraps His hands around me when I'm wounding He calls me His beloved, I am His and He is mine
He sees the hurts He sees the scars that never really heal He sees the bleed He sees them all
My Jesus wraps His hands around my hurts He looks at me with His eye full of compassion My Jesus, O loving Father He binds my wounds He covers my shame He lifts me up He is my refuge, my Supreme hiding place
Come and cover me with Your love once again Place your loving hands on me once again How I long to hear You say to me 'I love you' once again I love You too, my Jesus. I love You and offer my heart to You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Only in Your name there is healing The fullness of joy The completeness that I would never comprehend The love unfailing The faithfulness never ending The grace that covers all my sin Only in You, Jesus
It is an unspoken rule that one will not have the right to speak into the life of another, unless there is a relationship in between them. However wise and sound the advice, it is almost inappropriate to speak anything that goes beyond superficial if there isn't a relationship present. One would respond (often quietly), why would I need to listen to you, 'cause I don't even know you (and vice versa).
Even Jesus (GOD, Creator, Saviour of the world) recognises the prominence of establishing a platform of relationship before He speaks into the life of another. Think of his people like the disciples, the woman at the well, Mary and Martha, and many others. Jesus often speak of the things in the natural before He launches into the supernatural. He talks about daily things like the businesses people go through, the weather, the things close to their hearts. Even for the strangers whom Jesus did not meet beforehand, He knew He could speak into their lives because they knew Him already. They did not only know Jesus by name, but He knew who He was. And because of that, they instantly became an open door to the miracles Jesus performed. Think of people like the Roman centurion, the woman with the issue of blood, blind Bartimeous. Their revelation of who He is became the vital platform in which Jesus could perform great works.
How wonderful it is, to think that our GOD desires to communicate and have a relationship with us, so much so that He gave His only Son to die so that we could be His children. He desires and treasures that intimacy to the extent of not only inviting us to His house, but to His family. To have us calling Him our Dad.
GOD gave it all so that we could have His all. But none of this could have happened without the relationship that we have with Him the moment we invited Him into our lives.
God, come and take control. The world need You so much! They need to hear and see what life is. Not in any reincarnate form, offering them the counterfeit of the Spirit. Struck down and destroy every work of the enemy. Call a curse on all that their hand finds to do. Save their souls. Show us Your power, God. In Your Name, the Name above ALL names.
The internship session yesterday was probably one of those where I will remember for the rest of my life. We started at 7.30am at the Kew Building where Ashley shared about the love of God, and how our life and everything should be an outward expression of our love for Him. Where there is only one motivation in doing church, ministry or life, and that's through our love for Him. Later, we worshipped and the presence of God was so amazing in that place, it reminded me of the passage where Jesus entered Mary and Martha's house, and Mary lavished such extravagant worship on Him, and the aroma of her perfume on Jesus' feet filled the whole room.
Ps Mike Guglielmucci later went to share for a short while. Ps Chad and Tiffany wasn't around as they were having their break therefore I guess, Ps Mike took over the intern's meeting. He shared from Jeremiah 4:1-2 where the decision of a man and woman of God affects a nation. In his words, 'Make waves or just ride the wave.' I don't wanna ride a wave, I wanna be the one that starts a wave. Then, we waited for about 15 minutes for Ps Sam Evans to come and speak to us. I don't think it was just me, but there was such a high level of anticipation and expectation in those few minutes, where everyone was preparing themselves to soak in everything that she is going to say later. It was like you threw the bait into the water and you knew in your heart of hearts that there is something huge, something massive hooked on the bait. You don't know what is it, but you know it's gonna be huge 'cause you could feel it. It was exactly like that.
When Ps Sam Evans came, the smile she had on her face tells you almost everything you had to know about her heart for the people and how she spent those hours in God's presence so that she could bring a word for us. You could see the look in her face as she took a good glance at the faces of the interns through the room. A look of such love, where she would keep pouring into the lives of people whom she believe in. A look where I will never forget. As she started sharing with us her heart for us, she made known that this will probably be the last time she will ever stand before us and share with us this year, as the internship draws to a close. And all the more because of that, she seeked God and prayed, asking Him what she wanna share with us. As she began to turn to the passage where she would read from, there was such a depth of emotion welling up in her. Tears began to form in her eyes and she read this passage:
"Listen closely, Israel, to everything I say. Be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you. "Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone.And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength." - Deuteronomy 6:3-5 [NLT]
As she read the passage, she cried. She continued to share about how she long and desire to see us to be a people that love God with ALL our heart, ALL our soul and ALL our strength. If there's one thing and one thing only she want to tell us this whole year. It is to love God with ALL we got. As she read those words, there was such a passion burning in her heart. Such authenticity in her words about how she loved us and want to see us advance not just into ministry and the A-Z of doing ministry, but truly the heart that loves God. A heart that would love Him extravagantly. It is not about service, but every single thing we do is motivated out of the love for Him. Sure there will be hard times, but when we love Him and say through our life that there is no substitution for Him, He will lift us out of it. She said this, that if one day Ps Russell were to pass away, her children were to pass away. She will still love Him and live for Him. Sure she will miss them terribly but because He is everything, everything, everything we live for. She amazes me. Her love for God, her extravagant worship for God, how she give her whole life for God amazes me. It spurs me on. It speaks to me this one thing that I can do it!
Thank you Ps Sam for how you've been such a great leader and pastor in this church. But more than that, thank you for showing me the heart of ministry. Thank you for your life where you've been vulnerable with us, just so that we could grow into the man and woman of God that you desire to see us be. Thank you for being such a great and anointed woman of God in my life. I honour you for everything that you have shared, everything that you have said and everything that you have done for us.
I will love the LORD my God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength. You are my God my life my all And I live for You alone I am Yours evermore Heaven and earth will shout Your praise The wonder of Your name I'll proclaim evermore (words by Sam Evans) - Evermore, Planetshakers
If there's one thing people ask about how Planetshakers Internship changed my life, it is to love God will ALL I have. With every breath that He has given me, I will love Him evermore. And because I love Him, I want and will go till the end of my days for Him alone.
It's the middle of the last quarter in the year. The heat is turned up. The crowd is on their edge of their seats to see how it all ends. The players is on their most aggressive attack, sweating it all out. They know and understand it is all in their hands and heads.
Remember going to one footy game with Mark Penny, Narmit, and a few of Mark's friends from Adelaide. The Western Bulldogs were playing the Kangaroos at the Telstra Dome. Being the first footy game that I ever been to, one could imagine that I was overwhelmed, first by the crowd, but I was even more overwhelmed with the intensity of the supporters. One would quickly find out that they aren't the crowd, they are the heartbeat, the soul of the team. A woman in her middle fifties was standing up for the course of the game; she was holding a cup of hot chips in her left hand and throwing her right fist in the air while shouting the name of the team players. That's fanatical!
As both teams played on through to the final quarter, the cheer of the fanatics or supporters got even louder and more aggressive everytime they score a goal. They knew and understood the significance of every goal, every single point. As the supporters in the Dome roared and stomped on the ground, squeezing every inch of support for their team. I knew and I understood the significance of the final quarter. The team was playing their hearts out. The supporters were screaming their lungs out. All for the glory of the final moment.
The first 3 quarters paled in significance as both teams gave their all in the final quarter. It was as though the first 3 was there to build a foundation fit for the players to go for the final attack in the fourth. What was done wrong in the first 3, what was done right, what was inaccurately calculated in the first 3 was nullified in the fourth. Because it was the final quarter that mattered. It wasn't so much of how they started, all they had in their mind was how it was going to end.
The was only one run that mattered. The run to the 50-line, setting his eyes and focusing in the space in between the 2 poles, lining up for a kick, release the footy and give it the best kick you ever given in your entire career. That was the only run that mattered as the clock counts down. It's interesting to note that the players never focused their eyes on the clock, but it was the referee. The players were aware of the time, they were aware of the fact that the clock is ticking down on them. But they were never looking at the clock. The only thing on their mind is how is my team going to go on the offence and score another goal and another and another!
It's the middle of the last quarter in the year. The heat is turned up. The crowd is on their edge of their seats to see how it all ends. The players is on their most aggressive attack, sweating it all out. They know and understand it is all in their hands and heads.
How is it all gonna end?
It's time. It's time to wipe of fatigue, set your eyes on the goal, the sweat will appear on the brow, but never let it seep into your eyes. Don't lose your focus. There is still time. Let God be our referee. One day, we will give our account of how we've played the game. It is the middle of the fourth quarter now. What will you do about it? Paul had it right on the pulse all along:
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14 [NIV]
This is the last lap, ladies and gentlemen. This is our fourth quarter. Can you hear the crowd (of witnesses) cheering your name? I know if I have 35,000 people in Telstra Dome cheering me on, I'll give my 110%. Yes. Run. Go for it! Will you be running the final lap of defeat or will you be running across the 50-line, tasting victory like it's on the tip of your tongue? The crowd is waiting in anticipation, they're on the edge of their seats. They wanna see how it all ends in 2005 for you.
"A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future."
:)
Don't ask. But when I typed in the defination of a particular word, out comes that defination. Like Ps Rob's complicated blend of flour, a whole egg, lighter fluid, a packet of instant noodles, oil, light a match, throw it down and out comes a loaf of fresh bread. Don't ask, beats me! For those who don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry. It may be blindingly obvious, but isn't it interesting how man's defination of time is so different from God's?
"And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years," - Genesis 1:!4
"For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning- though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered." - Psalms 90:4-6
A thousand years is like a day. That's like saying 'What's the date yesterday? Oh, it was 1005 AD. It's like saying 'Oh, Jesus was crucified just 2 days ago...' God sure has an awesome, out-of-the-world sense of timing. But to me, it cements my faith in God. Knowing that He holds both my past and future in His hands. When Jesus died on the cross, enduring the pain for me and you, when the soldiers pierced His side and the crown of thorns forced down His forehead, He was thinking about this moment. He knew exactly the hour, minute and second I would be writing this and He knew exactly what would happen. He also knew and saw through the corridors of time the years and decades I'll be living.
Time, the essence we consider the most precious commodity in our day. The very measure of our worth, is considered nothing to God. He is not limited by time. He cannot be constrained by it. If He wants He could wipe away the whole of humanity in a breath and start it all over again. Linear time means absolutely nothing to His omnipresent nature. Time, is but a figment of eternity in the eyes of the Almighty.
Lord, the One who holds my past and my future, I give You my everything. Help me be a good steward of all that You have given to me. With whatever time that You've given me, help me make good use of it and to use it for the glory of Your name. In Your name, Amen.
days till I see the most gorgeous girl in my life, s k y e tan :)
It's been a full 4 and a half months since we've seen each other. The seasons have changed, various events have taken place in our lives and the journey God has set our feet on continues.
The rocky paths, the green pastures, the gravel and the tar. What a year it has been. It will be another month before 2005 officially comes to an end, but even when I think about how far we've come makes me speechless when I try to find the best words to thank You. How could I have made it without You?
You're right. We want to make this last part of the waiting a sprint. I want to pick up the pace, to press in even more for you, for me, and for us. I want to clear out anything that will slow us down but to hold on to God and to you even tighter than before. Holding on, to our one day. To the one day when God calls us to that place, to the Promised Land He has set before us. To the future and destiny that only God could have prepared for us. The one that is beyond our imagination.
49 more days before we meet again.
Lord, help us run the race You've given us well. Fill us with Your power as You speak to us about the dreams You have for us. Again, we want to thank You for how You've brought us thus far. How could we have done it without You. Thank You, Dad.
I love the count up in days of how long we've been together, as much as the countdown to the day when I will see you on Christmas Eve '05. It has been a beautiful year, but it will only get better and better and better.
